270 - 828 West 8th Ave. Vancouver, BC | T: 604.677.3286 | F: 604.677.3289 | info@vcfi.ca
Discover How Counselling and Therapy Can Help You Create the Personal Relationships you Want to Come Home To

Our Marriage Counsellors, Therapists, and Psychologists can help transform troubled lives and relationships into fulfilling ones.

Couples Therapy

STOP COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN WITH YOUR PARTNER

In spite of loving each other, you and your partner can get caught in unhealthy communication or behaviour patterns to the point of feeling that you are completely stuck. You might find that you are having the same arguments time and time again. Or perhaps you avoid difficult conversations because you’re afraid of starting a fight.

This kind of communication breakdown can create unnecessary tension and conflict in your relationship. You or your partner may close down conversations, talk at length or raise your voices without resolving anything. If you are like many couples entering therapy, your problems may have been going on for years. Difficulties in relating to each other will eventually erode the closeness and intimacy if it hasn’t already. You may find that you’ve lost the joy or spark that initially attracted you to each other. Your relationship may feel empty. You may feel sad, lonely, and helpless to change it.

Regardless of the state of your relationship, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples can help you and your partner break out of old, negative patterns for good.

Imagine being able to get beyond arguments you’ve had for years and feel good about yourself and your relationship again. Discover how to communicate with your partner in order to get their attention, feel understood, and elicit compassion and caring. Participating in the highly successful method of EFT can help defuse the tension in your relationship as you begin to relax and respond tenderly to each other. You feel accepted. You feel embraced. The connection you have rebuilt sparks new passion and playfulness in your relationship.

WHAT IS EFT?

EFT is a short term approach to helping distressed couples. It was developed by leading Canadian psychologists, Dr. Susan Johnson and Dr. Leslie Greenberg. Within 12 to 30 sessions couples are guided through the following process of therapy:

Stage 1: Tracking your communication patterns

This helps you to:

• Recognize trigger points
• Explore and understand the basis for the triggers
• Unlatch from rigid unhealthy patterns of behaviour
• Diffuse conflict
• Recognize your partner is not the enemy; the two of you are struggling together

You and your therapist will track your interactions with your partner and identify where and how your communication breaks down. When you discover how each of you contributes to the pattern, you realize that your partner is not your enemy. Through marriage counseling you will recognize that you both make mistakes and misunderstand one another. You are both struggling to be understood, but are just not managing to reach each other.

Recognizing how you get pulled into your negative patterns of interaction is the first step to changing them. As you and your partner become aware of when you get stuck in your patterns, you can then discover how to help each other unlatch from them.

Stage 2: Creating a new, positive pattern of communication

This helps you to:

• Communicate your emotions effectively
• Create an intimate, secure bond
• Feel cared for and loved by one another

Relationships evoke a host of feelings: joy, pleasure, anger, hurt, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, insecurity… even if you don’t think of yourself as an emotional person. You need to find a way to let your partner know how you are feeling in the relationship in order to have a healthy bond.

In Stage 2 of EFT you will build on the platform of connection you established in the first stage of therapy. Your therapist will help you develop new ways of expressing yourself that don’t evoke your triggers and set off the old negative patterns.

Whether you struggle to communicate your feelings or you think of yourself as highly expressive, you can discover how to express yourself in a way that maximizes the chances of your partner responding to your needs and wants.

Stage 3: Applying new communication patterns to contentious issues of the past

This helps you to:

• Strengthen the new patterns of communication by applying them to previously unresolved issues
• Embrace new ways of connecting with each other emotionally and physically.
• Prepare to end therapy with strategies to help you maintain your closeness.

Stage 3 of EFT involves reviewing any old remaining, problematic issues and working them through to resolution with your new found ways of communicating and connecting. Your therapist will also help you review the work you did through the course of therapy. Important steps you made along the way are identified and elaborated into strategies so that you can use them in the future and not revert back to your old, unhealthy ways of communicating.

THE BENEFITS OF EFT

EFT is one of the fastest growing models of couple therapy and marriage counselling available today.

• Diffuse conflict
• Feel closer and more connected to your partner
• Improve emotional, physical, and sexual intimacy
• Resolve old problematic issues in your relationship

EFT is being trained and practiced around the world in North America, Europe, Australia, and Asia. Its therapeutic validity is recognized by the American Psychological Association.

Ninety percent (90%) of couples who complete EFT improve their relationships.

The comparable rate of marital relationship improvement for the next leading model of couple therapy is only 35%.

Another significant finding is that couples who work through the EFT process resolve their issues without returning to their old unhealthy communication patterns in the future.

The EFT method is also adaptable to a variety of complex situations, including helping couples heal after affairs and cope with difficult life stressors, such as chronic illness.

In fact, contrary to other therapy approaches, your initial level of relationship distress does not predict how well you will do in EFT. Research studies show that it is also effective with couples in which one or both partners struggle with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, a traumatic childhood background, as well as sexual problems, such as low sexual desire.

It doesn’t matter how minor or major your problems are, EFT can help you resolve your difficulties – EFT can help you and your partner handle life’s challenges and accomplishments together.

Couples in happy relationships tend to enjoy better general health and wellness. Researchers have found that marital satisfaction has been linked to better immune system functioning, recovery from illness and injuries, and management of stressful situations.

Contact VCFI to found out how we can help you turn your relationship into one you want to come home to
(phone 604.677.3286 or email info@vcfi.ca).

Training for Therapists

ARE YOU LOOKING TO INCREASE YOUR EFFECTIVENESS AND EXPAND YOUR SKILL SET FOR WORKING WITH COUPLES?

• As a therapist do you sometimes feel like you are flying by the seat of your pants with highly distressed couples?
• Would you like a fresh perspective to breathe new life into your couples work?

The vast majority of couples seek marriage counselling because they regularly get stuck in repetitive, destructive arguments. Therapists know that there is a lot of emotion flying around the room with distressed couples. They often feel unnerved and ineffective when the corrosive, reactive emotions of distressed relationships take over and control the session. It can be confusing to know which emotions to contain and which ones to bring out and focus on. When this happens the therapeutic process is likely to derail or get bogged down. If this has ever happened to you, you might feel helpless as to how to get the session back on track.

When we don’t know how to work with the strong negative emotions escalating between couples, it is natural to feel overwhelmed and inadvertently close our clients’ emotions down. Shutting down their emotions provides containment and helps you feel more in control of the session. However, the downside is that you miss the opportunity to use this emotional energy to tap into and help them express the deeper hurts that underlie their arguments. When you can support partners in communicating the vulnerable feelings they experience in the relationship, you help them evoke and express compassion toward each other. You also empower them to become aware and assertive about their needs in the relationship.

When you are able to help couples connect on this deep level, not only will you feel more in control of the session, you will be able to use your skills to facilitate healing the couple’s relationship bond.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) will guide you to focus your therapy sessions toward establishing a secure relationship bond. In the context of a secure relationship partners can communicate their relationship needs more effectively. EFT will enable you to:

• Discover a remarkably effective road map for navigating couples through conflict gridlock
• Learn how to shape their emotions to help couples create and maintain a close connection
• Help your couples experience bonding emotions and find their happily ever after

EFT for couples is a short term approach to healing relationships that speaks to the core of the couple’s distress: An insecure attachment bond. EFT offers…

Benefit #1: An Attachment Framework
A compelling model of adult love helps you to formulate the couple’s presenting issues through an attachment lens and get to the heart of their problems.

Benefit #2: A Comprehensive Roadmap to Heal Distressed Relationships
A healing process that produces lasting results in only 9 steps, divided into 3 stages: The first stage, Cycle De-escalation, focuses on helping couples unlatch from conflict, ease tension, and diffuse power struggles. Typically, frequency and intensity of conflict decline markedly, creating safety for the second stage of marriage counselling, Reconnection, which enhances relationship intimacy. During Reconnection, the partners learn to communicate their needs in a manner that creates closeness and enhances responsiveness to each other. The new ways of interacting come together in the third stage, Consolidation, as partners resolve long standing issues in their relationship and prepare to end therapy.

Benefit #3: A Method Validated by Empirical Research
You can have confidence in a method that has over 20 years of scientific research attesting to its high success rate. Over 90% of couples improve their level of satisfaction in the relationship after working with an EFT trained therapist. Between 70-73% of couples recover on standard measures of marital distress and the relapse rate is very low compared to other couple therapies.

Benefit #4: Grounded Therapeutic Methods that Work With Even the Most Challenging Couples
The therapeutic strategies of EFT enable you to overcome hurdles known to impede the effectiveness of other therapies. For instance, research finds EFT to be highly effective with couples who present with poor prognostic indicators (for other therapeutic approaches), such as, very low marital satisfaction and partners lacking in emotional awareness.

Benefit #5: Effective Interventions for Breaking Through Relationship and Therapeutic Impasses
Intervention techniques are specifically designed to break through highly stuck relationship impasses and attachment injuries.

Benefit #6: Methods that are Adaptable to Specific Populations
The EFT Model has been adapted to working with specific populations such as, trauma survivors and partners suffering from low sexual desire and other sexual problems. EFT is also remarkably effective with couples in which one partner suffers from depression, low self-esteem, or anxiety.

Benefit #7: Be Part of a Growing Community of EFT Practitioners
***Available exclusively for Participants Completing EFT Training Externships***
Participants of courses sponsored by the Vancouver Centre for EFT Training will be offered access to a listserv to support their ongoing efforts to implement the EFT model.

What people are saying about the Vancouver Centre for EFT Training:

“I think Yolanda and Veronica are exceptional trainers! They were so prepared, giving, authentic, accepting and knowledgeable. They built beautiful rapport… excellent modeling and probably, no surely, the best training I’ve been to.”

“Excellent! Veronica and Yolanda really made EFT come alive and make it workable!”

“Now I have a roadmap of how to counsel couples.”

“I expect the course to have a major impact on my practice.”

Veronica Kallos-Lilly and Yolanda von Hockauf, Certified EFT Practitioners and Trainers, established the first EFT training program on the West Coast in 2005. Between them Veronica and Yolanda have over 35 years experience training at agencies, universities, and professional conferences. They have trained over 1000 therapists from Canada, United States, Europe, Asia, and Australia.

At the Vancouver Centre for EFT Training our programs combine didactic presentations that are informative and practical, stimulating case discussions, and experiential skills building exercises in the context of a supportive, dynamic, learning environment.

2010 - 2011 Training Schedule

All training can be used toward Certification as set out by the International Centre for Excellence in EFT (ICEEFT).

Core Skills Advanced Training (small group format)
April 9-10, June 4-5, September 24-25, November 5-6
9:00-4:30
Prerequisite: Externship in the fundamentals of EFT
Provides opportunity to develop strong clinical skills in EFT
Participants must have an active caseload of couples, and be prepared to show their work in video or audio format.
Cost: $1300
Location: VCFI
Contact: info@vcfi.ca

Externship in Emotionally Focused Therapy
July 5-8, 2010
8:30-5:00
Covers the fundamentals of EFT
An extensive manual will be provided
Prerequisite: graduate degree in psychology/counseling or nearing completion
Cost: $895
Location: 1825 West 16 Ave
Contact: info@vcfi.ca

Core Skills Advanced Training (small group format)
October 15-16, 2010; November 26-27, 2010; January 7-8, 2011; February 25-26, 2011
9:00-4:30
Prerequisite: Externship in the fundamentals of EFT
Provides opportunity to develop strong clinical skills in EFT
Participants must have an active caseload of couples, and be prepared to show their work in video or audio format.
Cost: $1400
Location: VCFI
Contact: info@vcfi.ca

Core Skills Advanced Training (small group format)
September 10-11, 2010; November 19-20, 2010; January 14-15, 2011; March 11-12, 2011
Prerequisite: Externship in the fundamentals of EFT
Provides opportunity to develop strong clinical skills in EFT
Participants must have an active caseload of couples, and be prepared to show their work in video or audio format.
Cost: $350 per weekend
Location: Samaritan Center of Puget Sound, Seattle WA
To register: www.samaritanps.org

Core Skills Advanced Training (small group format)
April 7-8, 2011; June 2-3, 2011; September 15-16, 2011; November 17-18, 2011
Prerequisite: Externship in the fundamentals of EFT
Provides opportunity to develop strong clinical skills in EFT
Participants must have an active caseload of couples, and be prepared to show their work in video or audio format.
Cost: $350 per weekend
Location: Samaritan Center of Puget Sound, Seattle WA
To register: www.samaritanps.org

Externship in Emotionally Focused Therapy
July 11-14, 2011
8:30-5:00
Covers the fundamentals of EFT
An extensive manual will be provided
Prerequisite: graduate degree in psychology/counseling or nearing completion
Cost: $895
Location: 1825 West 16 Ave
Contact: info@vcfi.ca

2010-2011 EFT Training Brochure

Clinical Supervision
Available by request
VCFI Supervisors are registered with the International Centre for Excellence in EFT (ICEEFT).

• face to face supervision
• long-distance supervision (use of internet and other web technology arranged between supervisor and therapist)
• pair supervision
• group supervision

Expand your couple therapy skills by contacting VCFI and registering for one of our trainings
(phone 604.677.3286 or email info@vcfi.ca).